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Opposites Attract (my belated valentine’s day post)

22 Feb

warning: the following post is a bit cheesy.  if you’re not into cheese, please skip this post! 🙂

i hardly get valentine’s day gifts because my birthday is so close to valentine’s day.  this year, my husband gave me a birthday/valentine’s day gift, all in one.  nonetheless, this year’s valentine’s day was very special because my daughter and i shared our valentine… 🙂  we each got a lovely card from my husband, which reminded me of my husband’s kindness, not just to us but to everyone around him.

a few weeks ago, my friend came over to spend some time together.  she’s been praying for a guy who she can potentially marry in the future.  she’s been waiting for awhile (mostly because she is so picky) and surprisingly, through a family member, she got introduced to this amazing guy.  she described him as “more than i can ask for”.  the more i heard about him and their relationship, the more i was certain that there was something special.  it seemed too special to think that this relationship was directed by man – it had to be god!

it warmed my heart every time i thought about this couple and the enjoyment they are having, as they are getting to know one another.  it also made me warm and fuzzy, because it reminded me of the time when my husband and i were dating.  so many things happened while we were dating (too many to count), which assured me that he was the man i was to marry.  mostly, it was my husband, who communicated/convinced me that we were meant to be, but regardless, one thing i was certain was that god’s hand was in our relationship.  no matter what happened to our relationship at the time, i knew for a certain that god was in it.

a few weeks ago, my husband mentioned about his coworker’s relationship and how he was contemplating moving to a different city to be with his girlfriend that he’s only been dating for a few months.  he wasn’t really sure if she was the one, but he thought that the possibility was high.  my husband shared his experience and how he knew that i was the one.  according to my husband, most guys just ‘know’ when they meet their future wife.  i’m not sure if it’s true, but for my husband’s coworker, he didn’t have this certainty.  my husband mentioned to me, that he also shared with his coworker that we are very different and how we balance each other out.

here is an example;

i thrive on challenges and learning new things.  within 6-7 years, i’ve worked at 10 different companies.  i’ve worked in the automotive, laboratory/scientific, recruitment, food, government, consumer goods and retail industries.  i love learning new things and meeting new people.

my husband loves comfort and doesn’t do so well with change.  he loves routines and doesn’t like facing too many challenges on a daily basis.  he’s worked for a few companies and he’s always been working within the IT sector.

we are very different.

my husband and i were into ‘lin-sanity’, just like every other asian christian out there.  we watched the raptors vs knicks game (we are raptors fans by default because we live in toronto, canada) on valentine’s day.  it was even more special because they were playing in toronto.  i knew that many of our friends were cheering for the knicks because of jeremy lin and i was too.  however, my husband, who is a loyal fan of the raptors did not fail to cheer for a team that rarely gets into the playoffs.  although everyone was going crazy about jeremy lin’s game winning shot, my husband was furious that the raptors collapsed and lost.  i laughed and made fun of him for loving the raptors so much.  i even told him that i’m going to write to the raptors, asking them to give him a fan award, recognizing his loyalty to the team.  i also said that i will even get a job at the air canada centre, so that i can get him a fake award.

although i made jokes, i was secretly impressed with my husband.  his level of loyalty was something that i’ve never experienced and i knew that he would also be loyal to me and our daughter.

my husband has firm beliefs and thoughts about all things.  he’s not easily persuaded by different ideas or gimmicks.  when he likes and believes in something, he puts in all of his trust, even if it fails him many times.  this is probably why he’s so loyal.

furthermore, my husband also has this (i call it supernatural) ability to forgive others.  he doesn’t have much difficulty being friends with people who have hurt him in the past.  when he forgives, he really does and he does it genuinely.

he is also a genius when it comes to academics.  i wish i had this ability.  let’s say we both study the same stuff.  he puts in 20% of his effort and i put in 110% of my effort and we end up with the same grade.  we are currently studying together – i’m working toward tesl certification and my husband is working toward his bachelor’s degree.  i study for weeks, locking myself in a room for many hours per day, to complete one assignment.  he completes his assignments while watching tv.  i got 89% on my assignment and he got 99% on his.

the qualities that my husband possess are so different from mine and it amazes me every time.  i tell him that he’s got a special gift from god.  when i see him, i can truly understand the meaning of god’s grace and blessing.  i can see that he is favoured by god.

the funny thing is that he says the same things about me.  we both wish we could have each other’s qualities.

we can never possess each other’s qualities, but i’m so glad that through marriage, i can live vicariously through my husband and have a second-hand experience of what it’s like to be rational, loyal and smart!

maybe that’s why opposites attract and maybe god brings the opposites together!


I Wish I Was a ‘Mom-type’

3 Feb

most of the time, i consider myself as a secure and confident person. however, there is one area i feel very insecure and not confident about. it’s parenting. it hurts my pride to admit it but it’s true.

my husband is good at many things and one of the things he is good at, is saying things “freely”, without much thought or consideration. i’m not any better and i’m also guilty of saying mean things to my husband, without being considerate. after being married to my husband for almost four years, i have learned to ‘filter’ my husband’s inconsiderate comments and try to take in what he really means to say, rather than focusing on every single word. however, there are times when i’ve got mad at his careless comments and when i get mad, i get really mad. my husband calls it ‘the rage’. it’s like another side of me comes out (holy… that sounds scary!) and i make sure that my point get across, usually by yelling really loud. i’m not proud of this character flaw that i possess and it is one area i wish to change. it’s also an area that steers me away from the image of christ and i’m sadden by this fact.

ok, so. one time, my husband made a very careless, non-intentional comment. he said, ‘honey, i don’t think you are meant to be a mom. you are definitely not a mom-type. my boss’ wife is a true mom. it’s like she’s meant to be a mom. when i hear about her, i can tell that you are definitely not the mom-type’. when i heard this… i was confused and became defensive. it hurt a bit.

i know not to get mad at this type of inconsiderate comment because he doesn’t really mean what he says. i tried to keep my composure and proceeded with ‘oh, why do you say that? and why do you think your boss’ wife is a great mom, but i’m not? what does she do that i don’t?’ ok, i didn’t say this very calmly. it probably sounded very defensive and my voice probably shook a bit. i was trying hard not to be emotional and be rational. my husband answered, ‘oh, it’s because my boss’ wife loves every second that she spends with her son. she wanted to get pregnant as soon as she had her first. btw, she is pregnant again with her second and it happened without her husband’s consent! (apparently, he wasn’t too keen on having a second child so soon). my husband continued, ‘she wants to give up her career and stay home with her kids when her second child arrives’. that really stung. i think at this point, my rage started to kick in a bit.

so i drilled my husband with my ‘defensive’ questions – ‘what’s wrong with me? how do you know that your boss’ wife enjoys every second? come on, every single second? are you sure? how can you be sure? did you see her interact with her child? i do not ‘not-like’ being with our daughter. i love every single second too, but you are never there to help. you come home late, never feed her or take care of her by yourself. what do you know about parenting and being a mom?’ so on and on… the more i spoke, the louder i got. i became very emotional and irrational. you get the picture.

in response to my so called rage, my husband, often times respond by saying, ‘omg, what is your problem?’ yup, that’s it. he doesn’t explain himself or apologize. he just says this one sentence and stops talking. sometimes he adds, ‘are you on pms?’ come on, i need more than that… he can’t just stop talking about it! however, i do know why he responds this way. he’s shocked by my emotional response to something so minuscule and ambiguous.

oftentimes, i shut down at this point. i say, forget it, i don’t want to talk about it because it’s not worth it. i say this because i feel like he won’t understand how i feel, even if i explained, so i don’t want to waste my energy trying to explain and be hurt by the disappointing result.

however, i argued with him this time. i felt that i was misunderstood by him. i didn’t want him to think that i don’t like parenting or taking care of our daughter. i wanted him to authentically view me as the ‘mom-type’ or i wanted to be that ‘mom-type’, although i didn’t really understand the criteria. after a heated discussion, i realized that what he meant to say was that he views me as a career-driven person and not a stay-at-home mom. he doesn’t think that i’m less of a mom or that i don’t do a good job. he knows that i’m a good mom and i do a good job. he was simply commenting on how he perceived me, that’s all.

i knew his intentions were not bad. however, it still bothered me a lot because of these reasons;

1. the fact that i want to further my career and have a job, other than housework and parenting. perhaps, this desire disqualifies me from being that ‘mom-type’

2. i was happy with having just one child. at this point in my life, i do not want a second child. i hope to have a second child in the future, but not right now. maybe the ‘mom-type’ constantly wants more children, because they enjoy it so much.

3. perhaps the reason for feeling this way (point #2) is because there are so much risks in going through pregnancy and labour. due to my condition, portal vein aneurysm, pregnancy and labour are the most dangerous times for me. there is a chance that i may not survive through it. i’m not afraid of dying, but after having my daughter, i’m very scared that i might not be there for her or she may have a very sick mother. i need to live and be healthy for her. so unconsciously, i became very hesitant to be pregnant again. i love kids and as much as parenting is hard, i would totally go through it again because it’s so worth it. my husband’s comment was more hurtful because it seemed like he didn’t care about my concerns. not that he wants a second child right away (he doesn’t either) but i wanted to be understood and comforted by him. i don’t know how he can comfort me but i wanted him to understand that having another child isn’t an easy decision for me, not like other healthy women.

4. in all honesty, part of me does not want a second child at this moment because of my future plans. i want to do and accomplish a couple of things before having another child. i want to enjoy a bit of rest and enjoy my daughter before getting overwhelmed with a needy baby. i worry that this is a big disqualification point in becoming a ‘mom-type’. perhaps, good moms or the ‘meant to be moms’ don’t think about their comfort or their own future plans (or their future plans are more babies). they’d rather spend ‘their time’ with a needy baby.

all these insecurities elicited such an emotional response from me to my husband’s comment. it was a mix of guilt and fear of judgement. and it was also wanting to seem like the perfect mom who is good at parenting.

i’m not good at this mom stuff. it’s hard and i feel like i can never master it. i know that i can only grow from it and i am happy with that.

update: i’m still on the fence with my decision to go back to work. if i do, i would be starting work in 2 weeks. for now, i’m almost sure i’m going back to work.

Guu-d Food!

30 Jan

a couple of saturdays ago, my husband and i went out for some food and drinks.  i guess you can call it a date night, but i personally don’t like to call it that, because i don’t feel that we have to go out to have a ‘date night’.  the best ‘date night’ for me, is when my husband and i lie down in our bed and talk about our mistakes, failures, successes and the direction that god is leading us, personally and as a family.  god often convicts us separately, in our own time of prayer, but when we come together and talk about it, we find that our convictions are very similar.  it’s awesome to know that god speaks to us separately, but also together.

so on this night, we ended up going to a restaurant called ‘guu izakaya’ on church street.  it was the first time for my husband and the second time for me.  we had a good time and it was nice to share some good food with a date.

if you’ve been there, you’ll know that this place is loud!  waiters and chefs shout some sort of greeting (in japanese) when customers enter and leave the restaurant.  there’s also a long lineup, especially on the weekends.  it’s a sake-bar, and the dishes are tapas style and well-suited for drinks.

we ordered lots of food and here are some of my favourites – if you haven’t tried these yet, you must!!



scallop and enoki mushroom


salmon natto yukke

this picture was taken the last time i was there.  the best dish!

here are my husband’s fav’s;


this was his ultimate favourite, but i personally found it too greasy.

gyu tongue

i thought it would be gross, but it was actually tasty and the meat is very tender.

sapporo draft beer - big mug

this mug is huge!!  it is truly a ‘big mug’ and my husband loved it!

here are the so-so ones;

yellowtail sashimi - from special menu

we had high expectations when we ordered this dish from the special menu, because when we went to japan, the sashimi was out of this world!  it was the best sashimi we’ve ever tasted and we were hoping that this dish would come somewhat close.  it didn’t.  the fish wasn’t fresh and it was tasteless.


this one tasted just like the okonomiyaki, except it had octopus filling inside.  we heard that this was one of the best dishes but we didn’t think so.


it would have been better if it was crispy.  it’s pretty soggy.

we were very happy and full at the end of the night, but we ended up having an argument on our way home, over something really small.  yup, that’s marriage!

posting these pictures made me hungry, so i made myself a late night snack – bibim guksu.

ok, it was more like a full dinner…  oh boy, my already tight clothes are going to be tighter tomorrow… maybe it’s time to buy bigger clothes… sigh…

Happy 1st Birthday!

18 Dec

my beautiful miss ej is one year old today!

we had a wonderful birthday celebration party with 60+ people yesterday. miss ej was tired, but nonetheless, she had tons of fun. the worst part for her was getting changed into 4-5 different outfits, but she cried only once! mr jq and i, were extremely proud of her and we had a wonderful day. one of the best days of our lives.

thank you miss ej for being our wonderful, healthy, sweet and pretty daughter. you bring so much joy into our lives. your dad’s and my life have become much more richer, meaningful and happier because of you. we love you so much.

thank you jesus for creating such a wonderful little girl, giving us an opportunity to raise her and helping/guiding us along the way. i know that i would not have survived the past year without christ.

a big thank you to my wonderful friends, who have been there for me in the past year; giving me tips, encouragements and just being there for me to hear me vent. i don’t know how i could have survived without my wonderful community of friends!

oh… how can i forget… my mom, who’s been there for me from the day miss ej was born… forcing me to eat so much meeyukgook (seaweed soup), judging my milk supply… 🙂 but she has helped me so much in the past year and has been there for me every time i needed help.

last, but not least, thank you to my wonderful husband. we’ve had lots of ups and downs… lots of laughs and cries… wasn’t it all worth it? thank you for becoming a wonderful dad (you had to learn so much in the past year)!

the past year flew by… what an eventful year it has been!

i thought i would never say this, but yes, i would do it all over again. 🙂

Let me introduce…

25 Nov

my family.

my husband, mr. jq. is a gentle, loving and good hearted person that i adore (most of the time). he is also the funniest guy i know. one of his greatest characteristics is his sense of humour. he’s pretty silly and corny but i guarantee, he will make you laugh. he works in the i.t. industry, currently as an i.t. recruiter. he has a weird obsession to know about every thing/topic. he will surf and research on the web for hours, even days and acquire unnecessary information, news about anything. however, as a by product, he’s one of the first people to know about the best deals and sales in town.

we got hitched 3.5 years ago. we met at church while i was overseeing that particular church. we eventually hooked up and it all began when he invited me to his birthday dinner. the rest is history… 🙂

my first and only daughter, miss ej. she was born late 2010, the year of the tiger (specifically the white tiger, which comes once every 100 years). her personality matches her year; she is fierce, strong and persistent. she will not back down until she gets what she wants, but more than anything, she loves to laugh, play and is a very affectionate child. she not only has a big personality, but she is also physically very tall (and big, but not fat!). she is currently 11 months old, but fits into 18 month old clothes perfectly. the last time i checked, she is in the 95th percentile in height and 50th percentile in weight. because she is so big, her development has been fast as well. she babbled, crawled and walked earlier than most babies. and currently, she walks well, holding our hands, and all she wants to do is walk, walk, walk.

i will admit, parenting is one of the hardest things i’ve done and taking care of a baby wasn’t easy at first, but my husband and i matured and became more patient and loving through her. the joy and love she brings to us is greater than anything we’ve experienced. we would not trade it for anything else.

my child, before miss ej, was my dog, miss r. she is a 5 lb maltese, good in nature, but very needy. ever since our daughter was born, she hasn’t been getting much attention and became even more needy.

then me…

i was born in 1977 in south korea, unlike my husband who was born in 1979, in ontario, canada. i came to canada in 1988, not knowing a word of english, but i managed to learn. 🙂

i got married at age 31, never thinking i would actually ever get married. i wanted to have a child on my own with a sperm donor, which almost caused my mum a heart attack.

i had various careers, met amazing people along the way, but some, not so amazing.

a couple of years ago, i found that i have a condition called a portal vein aneurysm which i might blog about in the future. it’s a very rare condition and just like any aneurysm, the vein could ‘pop’ in any minute and could be fatal but i’m not the type to live in fear. this condition motivates me to live every day as though it is my last day on this earth.

i’m currently on maternity leave (one month left!), studying part-time to become a certified ESL teacher. taking care of a baby full time and studying part time has been somewhat difficult but i secretly enjoy being able to use my brain and engaging in intellectual matters, not just poopy diapers and drool.

i hope to finish my studies by the end of next summer and at around this time next year, i hope to be working part-time.

i love to cook, especially for miss ej. i’m keen about making nutritious meals, yet making them taste good, like really good! 🙂 i think through the canadian food guide and make sure that my dishes have the right amount of protein, carbs, veggies and fruits. i’m proud to say, miss ej has been doing well, especially with iron and protein intakes, which are essential for babies around her age. it’s so interesting how babies will eat or not eat the same kind of food, depending on how you prepare it. miss ej hates avocados, although i’ve given it to her since she was 5 months old. however, i mix it with her rice and some veggies and then, she loves it!

so, i’ll end my post with the dish that i prepared for dinner tonight. i was rushed and made it in 10 minutes, since miss ej was in a bad mood due to fatigue and teething…

it’s a korean dish called jeayookbokguem (with tofu). a dish that goes well with korean traditional rice wine called ‘so-ju’.

oh… miss ej had tuna&veggie congee (i didn’t have a chance to take a picture).