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Life After Returning to Work

28 Feb

it’s been 2 weeks since i have returned back to work.

the first week was pretty fun; getting dressed for work, taking lunch breaks and being able to eat without distractions and in quietness. there were moments of extreme sadness due to missing my little girl, but all in all, it was nice to have my ‘own’ work and feeling accomplished at the end of the day.

however, ever since i returned to work, i feel overwhelmed physically. i feel like i get no breaks over the weekend. Doing errands, catching up on housework and playing with our daughter. it’s exhausting at work and at home!

this week has already been very difficult. on top of feeling exhausted (already!), it’s been hard adjusting to my team members at work. most of my coworkers have been working at my company for many years and it’s been hard getting used to the culture they have there.

i think the hardest part is missing my girl. i have 3 pictures of my daughter at my workstation, but i try not to look at them too long or too often. there are moments when i have to take some time to control my emotions, tell myself to be patient and that it will become easier/better soon.

i never thought that this transition would be ‘this’ hard. i wonder if and when it will become easier… i need some advice from other moms who have returned to their work. i really need a better perspective… at this rate, i feel like i won’t last very long!

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Leaving is Difficult

7 Feb

ever since i’ve made up my mind to go back to work, it’s been extremely hard.  i don’t know if other moms understand how i feel, but it’s very difficult to explain with words how hard it is.

it honestly feels like i’m going through a very difficult break-up where i’ve been extremely attached to someone.  actually, it’s even harder.  breaking up with my husband during our dating days didn’t feel as bad as this.  it’s a mix of negative emotions; fear, anxiety, heartache.  at times i feel depressed and other times, i feel like i’m having an anxiety attack.  i wish i didn’t have to go through this and i also want this to pass quickly.

everyday, i see my daughter’s precious face and think, how am i going to survive a whole eight hours without seeing her beautiful face?  can i really do this?  is she going to be ok?  am i going to be ok?  i’m going to miss her and i’m going to miss holding her.  gosh, it’s much harder than i anticipated!

recently, my daughter started this phase where she is starting to favour her grandma and her dad, over me.  at first, i was happy that she was no longer very attached to me and it felt good to get a break but i quickly felt sad and wanted that closeness with her again.  it saddened me more because i didn’t have too much time to spend with her before returning to work.

i have spent more than a year taking care of her, loving her, being delighted by her and at times frustrated by her.  for a whole year, i haven’t really done anything other than taking care of my daughter and putting her first before anything, or anyone else.  and now, all that’s going to change.  so fast.

this is such an uncomfortable place and i’m holding tightly to god’s promise;

‘trust in the lord with all your heart.  lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’ (proverbs 3:5-6)

i wish time could stop.